He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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