hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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