Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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