so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize