The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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