i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
