i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
