Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
