im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
