You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
