Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
