just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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