Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
