He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
