If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
