Sponge bath it is.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
