If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize