you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
