I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
