why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
