Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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