he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
