if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I currently don't understand fingers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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