...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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