She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
