please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
