my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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