Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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