just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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