well I can't set my house on fire every night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
