First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
