And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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