Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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