Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
