I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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