y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
