dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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