Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
