I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
