i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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