You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
