I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
