My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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