his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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