It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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