this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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