I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
