We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
