there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
