"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
