bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
