Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
