I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
