I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize