Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
