used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
