Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
