Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
