I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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