So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
