Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
