thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize