why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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