thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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