You don't have asthma, your pregnant
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
