Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
